Getting Back to Where I Want to Be

There’s a version of me from early 2020 who was absolutely flying. I want to talk about that, and about everything that’s happened since, because I think it’s finally time to get back to some of the things that made that version of me possible in the first place.

The Big Year (2020)

January 2020. I got the news that I’d been awarded the Microsoft MVP. That was the culmination of years of community work, streaming on Twitch, speaking at events, and genuinely loving the craft. It wasn’t just a badge. It meant that what I’d been doing, the sharing and the building in public and the late nights streaming code to a small but brilliant audience, actually mattered to people beyond my own screen.

And then I made the leap. I went full-time with my own business.

At almost exactly the same moment, I moved house. And then the world shut down.

Three enormous life events stacked on top of each other in the space of a few weeks. It was chaotic, overwhelming, and honestly, exhilarating. Everything had changed at once and somehow it felt like the right time to bet on myself.

Running the Business (2020–2023)

For three years I ran my own consultancy. I was the developer, the architect, the salesperson, the accountant, the project manager, the support desk, and the person who kept the lights on. The classic solopreneur setup. Chief Everything Officer.

There were parts of it I genuinely loved. The technical breadth, working with different clients on different problems, the autonomy of setting my own direction. There is a real freedom in knowing that every decision is yours.

But there is also a real weight to it. The business never fully switches off. You are always the last line of defence for everything. Proposals, invoices, chasing payments, managing expectations, then actually doing the work on top of all of that. It is a lot.

Something else happened during this period that I didn’t expect. I got my ADHD diagnosis.

Looking back, so much of my life suddenly made sense. The hyperfocus, the way I’d throw myself completely into something I cared about, the difficulty switching off, the chaos that came with wearing every hat in the business at once. It reframed a lot of my past, both the things I’d done well and the things I’d always beaten myself up about.

It changed my outlook in a way I’m still processing. I’ve talked about it publicly since then, including a talk at .Net North Meetup in Newcastle in October 2024, because I think the more people in tech talk openly about it the better. It affects more of us than most people realise.

I don’t regret any of it. Not for a second. It was one of the best experiences of my career and it shaped how I think about software and business in ways I couldn’t have gotten any other way.

When Things Changed (2023)

March 2023. Contracts weren’t renewed. It wasn’t personal, the market had shifted dramatically compared to the years before. The work that had been flowing relatively consistently dried up in a way that caught a lot of people off guard, not just me.

2023 was hard. I won’t dress that up. The financial pressure, the uncertainty, the constant hustle of trying to find the next thing while also keeping momentum on everything else. It takes a toll. It was the kind of year that makes you step back and ask some honest questions about what you actually want.

The Decision (2024)

I decided to go back into full-time employment.

And I want to be clear: that was absolutely the right decision. Not just financially, not just practically. It was the right decision for my health and my sanity. The solopreneur life had been great, but it had run its course for me. I didn’t want to be a one-person business indefinitely. I didn’t want every professional problem to be my personal problem by default. I wanted to be part of a team again.

Running my own business taught me a lot and I took a huge amount from it. But if I’m honest, I don’t think I’d do it again. It wasn’t the right long-term fit for me, and knowing that isn’t failure. It’s just self-awareness.

If you’re a solopreneur reading this and loving every minute of it, fantastic. This is just my story.

Two Years In - What’s Next

I’m now about two years into my current role, and I genuinely enjoy it. I’m part of a team, working on interesting problems, with people who care about doing things well. The stability has made a real difference.

And now that I feel re-energised, there’s something I’ve been thinking about more and more.

I want to get back to streaming on Twitch.

Here’s the thing. Twitch is the reason any of this was possible in the first place. The network I built through streaming, the community engagement, the learning in public, the visibility that came from showing up consistently. That’s what led to the MVP. And the MVP is what gave me the confidence and credibility to go full-time with the business.

I stepped away from it when running the business because there simply wasn’t the time or the headspace. And then 2023 happened and streaming felt like a luxury I couldn’t justify.

But I’m at a point now where I want to do it again. Not for any particular outcome, not to build another business case around it. Just because I genuinely enjoy it, because it keeps me sharp, and because that community connection is something I’ve missed more than I realised.

So that’s where I am. Getting back to where I want to be, and a big part of that is getting back on stream.